EMOTIONAL PROBLEMS: BED-WETTING

‘Danny is still wetting the bed at night,’ Sandra said. ‘By now he should have dry nights. I’m worried he may have something wrong with his bladder or kidneys.’

‘There are many variations to what we believe is normal,’ I replied. ‘Most children—in fact, about 90 per cent—manage to learn bladder control between the ages of eighteen months and five years. Very few manage it before they can walk properly, which is usually around the 18-month mark. The rest tend to wet the bed intermittently for a short while, but a few continue for quite a few years. It seems more probable in boys.’

‘That’s my problem,’ Sandra continued. ‘Danny may have several good nights in a row. Then, wow! several really bad ones in quick succession. He simply floods the place.’

‘It’s not unusual,’ I said. ‘And here’s the background to it…

‘It seems that children who continue to bed-wet often have bladders of smaller capacity than those who manage to have dry nights quicker. In fact, besides passing urine in bed during the night, they tend to pass it more frequently during the day. Not that they pass more during a 24-hour period but simply because their bladder is able to accommodate only a smaller volume.

‘The best time to start to teach bladder control is in the 15-24 month age. Training should be gradual and non-coercive, I feel, with tolerance to accidents, which hopefully will gradually lessen. Of course, some parents try to outdo their neighbours and have their child learning “good habits” much too early. They are coercive, and this may often have the reverse effect on the young child, who becomes confused about it all, or builds up resentment, and finally does the exact opposite to what the parents want.’

‘I’ve tried to be very subtle about it all,’ Sandra said. ‘We’ve never made an issue about it. We accept it all and endeavour to encourage Danny all the way. We do make a big thing out of successes and try to play down failures. But, it still goes on…’

‘Very often hidden underlying factors may play a part. Frequently there are emotional situations which may not be apparent to the parent but which are playing a major part in Danny’s outlook and reactions.’

‘I’ve often wondered about this,’ Sandra said. ‘My husband Jim lives a very busy life and has never-ending business commitments. He is frequently called interstate on business matters, and fairly regularly simply vanishes from the home scene, for several days at a time.

‘I wonder if Danny worries about this, whether he feels neglected or harbours resentment. When Jim returns he always makes a big fuss with Danny. Then, bingo! A week later he’s off again on another trip. I’ve sometimes noted—although I haven’t kept accurate records—that the bed-wetting bit is often worse when Jim is away. I have wondered, and so has Jim.’

‘It is quite probable that Danny feels neglect or resentment at being suddenly deprived of his dad, especially as he is made such a fuss of when Dad’s around. It may be his way of telling you he wants more tender, loving care without the sudden breaks.

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